Kiky's Space: Relationships & Advice

Long post alert

I have being reading a lot of blog posts where people ask for 'relationship advice' and i have come to a conclusion that I am not going to read any of these post again for two reason. One, people keep asking the same questions over and over and over and over and over......(you get my drift). Two, people will always do what they want to do despite the general consensus of the advice given.

Before these post are sent in, they already know what they want to do but just want someone to validate their decision.?

Don't get me wrong i know next to nothing about relationships, but their is such a thing as common sense. We have all fallen for the wrong person at some point in our lives but there are some things that common sense dictates you dont tolerate.?

You have been dating a guy for less than a year and he suddenly starts telling you about other girls he is seeing, worse still he brings them to the house and flaunts his cheating. That just means one thing, the relationship has come to its natural end, hard as that might be. Move on. If he really wants you after you are gone he will change his ways and come back for you. Staying there crying and begging him everyday will make him know that he can treat you anyhow and you will be there for him when he needs you. I learnt that lesson the hard way and that was the day i started seeing relationships in a new light. It is wise to learn from the mistakes of others.

A friend of mine i will call her Ada got posted to Lagos for NYSC and lived with her senior brother in Surulere. She met a?Yoruba?guy Ola who lived on their street and they became platonic friends as she was into her church and also wanted to marry an?Ibo?man. Later on she met an?Ibo?guy Ikay and they started dating. She was so excited about her new boo and gushed about him to Ola. Not knowing that Ola was already in love with her so when she started telling him about Ikay he decided to keep quite about his feelings for her so as not to confuse her and most?importantly?he knew she really wanted to marry an?Ibo?man.?

Ikay proposed to Ada about a year and half later. They had a lavish traditional wedding back home in the East. However his behaviour and attitude towards her changed. She stopped seeing him as often as she did. She knew he?traveled?a lot for his business before she agreed to marry him but he still made time to see her, but it now seemed that he couldnt be bothered anymore to drive all the way from Festac to Surulere to pick and drop her off. He started making her take taxi's. She tried to talk to him about it but he kept brushing it off. A few weeks to the white wedding she raised it up again and his exact words to her was "What do you want me to buy for you to make you feel better"??

She really loved him but at that point she knew that if she went ahead to marry Ikay she would be unhappy for the rest of her life. He acted as though giving her money would compensate for the lack of communication, thoughtfulness and attention.

Luckily she has sensible parents so when she told them about his latest behaviour, they told her that it was up to her to decide if she wanted to go head and marry him as she was the one that would have to live and deal with him. At?this?point Ada had not told anyone, not even her closest friends what was happening in her relationship. According to her she did not want anyone to advice her because she already knew?the?right thing to do was to end the relationship as painful as it was. She also knew it would be easier to end it now than go through a divorce. She even knew she might not divorce him and would have to live with him like that for the rest of her life.

Being the baby of the house all her siblings were happily married and she wanted the happiness they had in their marriage not just a marriage.

The day she gave Ikay back his ring he did not even act like anything out of the usual was?happening and did not even?show any remorse.?All these happened without any of her friends knowing. When Ola asked her about the white wedding date she had to let him know it wasnt?happening. Not wanting what happened before to happen again he told her about his feeling for her. ?Luckily for him she gave him a chance. They have being married for about a year and half with a new baby and Ada is extremely happy, her husband loves and adores her.

Because she never told anyone what was going on in her relationship you can imagine peoples surprise when she sent out the wedding invite for Ola and her.?

A million and one girls would have?gone?ahead with that marriage, there by short changing themselves. Women should know that they deserve to get the best. No one is perfect but there are things that make a happy marriage without which it will just be misery. And to what point? Just to be called Mrs Somebody?

So what am i saying, women have to think about the long term when it comes to choosing a life partner. A man who makes you cry now will not change when you eventually marry him. God gives us signs we have to learn or pray to learn how to see and recognize them.?

Because your Mr Right could just be by the corner waiting for you to come out of that miserable relationship as in the case of my friend Ada. Your Mr Right may not be from the same tribe as you. ?And the fact that you have 'invested' a lot of years and emotions on a guy does not mean that he is the right one for you.?

You know that he is not treating you right and that makes you unhappy and you know you should leave, be brave and leave you dont need to be told. It is a different thing when you are already married and your husband or wife changes?their?behaviour and their are kids involved to further complicate issues. But if you see these changes before you marry him and decide to go ahead without first addressing those issues, then my dear you have set yourself up for?disappointment. You brought it upon yourself so please endure all the beatings, cheating and?stinginess. It will be well. Keep praying God will change your husbands behaviour. Sense the sarcasm?

Source: http://kiki-lifeaskiki.blogspot.com/2013/03/relationships-advice.html

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